


my hand held out to you is destiny

by towokuwusatsuwu



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Love/Hate, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 07:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13266681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towokuwusatsuwu/pseuds/towokuwusatsuwu
Summary: Kujo Kiriya sees color for the first time when he touches Dan Kuroto. Their relationship is far from a happy one, riddled with death and fighting and the fact neither of them wants to be with the other. Oh, and Kuroto's continuous deaths do a number on Kiriya's headaches.





	my hand held out to you is destiny

It happens by accident, Kiriya’s fingers brushing Kuroto’s throat when he fists a hand in the collar of his shirt.

In Kiriya’s life, most things tend to happen by accident. Finding out about the Bugster virus the way that he did, losing his best friend, walking into whatever this is. Finding his soulmate, as it turns out, when his vision changes so sharply and suddenly it almost hurts.

He pushes Kuroto away, not out of anger but so he can have both of his hands to press over his eyes, swearing at the spike of pain that shoots through his head. His days have already been rough without this. He would have liked one day to pass without a migraine.

“Well.” Kuroto handles himself far more professionally, which is an oxymoron if there has ever been one. He straightens his tie, smoothes his rumpled collar, and adjusts the front of his blazer. “Doctor Kujo, this is not… Precisely how I would have wanted to figure this out.”

That he can keep his composure and remain in control of himself in the event of something like this only makes Kiriya despise him more than he already does. He has never had any respect for the man standing in front of him, had walked straight into his office to manhandle him because he needs to get his hands on a Gashat so he can fight. He can’t let Jungo’s death be in vain, after all. When Kuroto had been unwilling to respond to him, he had responded in turn, had broken any semblance of professionalism by putting his hands on the man.

“No. No, we aren’t doing this.” Kiriya straightens up when the spike of pain in his head dulls, rubbing his eyes for good measure before fixing Kuroto with a scowl. The thought of being destined to be beside  _ this man _ of all people has only set him off more than he’s been set off by everything else having to do with the Genm president. “I don’t care what you do with the rest of your life, but I’m not getting involved with it. Or you. I’m not interested in that. Not with you.”

Finding your soulmate is supposed to be a special day, and Kiriya never once dreamed of finding out that his soulmate was someone he hardly wanted to spend time with to begin with. The few conversations he and Kuroto have had prior to now have all ended with Kiriya leaving the office, relieved that he can finally put space between the two of them. His hands ball up into fists at his sides and he exhales shakily, furious that this had to happen to him, as if more than enough bad things have not already happened to him during his life.

“As you wish, Doctor Kujo. I’m not interested in making this a battle. I have everything I need right here.” Kuroto rests his hand on top of his desk, a stand-in for all of Genm most likely. “You want a Gashat enough to lay hands on me? I’ll see what I can do for you.”

* * *

“What did you just say?” Taiga lifts his head just as Kuroto presses his fingers to his lips.

“I didn’t say anything.” He had been perfectly in control of his speech since his conversation with Kiriya and cannot believe he let himself slip this profoundly. “What are you talking about?”

Without warning, Taiga slams both hands down on his desk and leans into his personal space; Kuroto does not lean away from him. He doesn’t show weakness, not to this man. “You said the colors might be different from Proto. Since when can you see colors?”

Kuroto has had to be careful about what he says to people and in public in terms of what he can and cannot see. Kiriya had been firm about not wanting to pursue a relationship with him, and though Kuroto had not truly cared one way or another about finding a soulmate, he had been wise enough to keep the fact he knows he has one away from the media. No one needs to know when he and Kiriya are never going to be anything. Had never been, to begin with.

“I don’t really think it’s any concern of yours what I can see, Doctor Hanaya. As long as this Gashat works for you, well, I’d think that’s all that matters.” Because he does not want to have this conversation with Taiga of all people, not over something like this.

Taiga leans away from him, then picks up the Gashat from the space between them, pushing the stack of money he brought into the office closer to Kuroto as he does. “I can too, y’know. Ever since that fucking fight. Your suits don’t do shit for guarding against that.”

“You mean… Graphite.” Kuroto lets this knowledge settle between the two of them, though he can hardly say he is surprised. Hanaya Taiga has the worst luck of anyone Kuroto has ever met, after all. “Well, you’ll understand my situation when I saw it’s very complicated as well.”

Taiga says nothing to this, just examines the Gashat in his hand before turning and making his way out of the office. Kuroto sighs and leans back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose and counting down from twenty to maintain some semblance of self-control. He had never wanted anyone to know. He can only hope this doesn’t make things worse.

* * *

“You’ve found your soulmate, Kiriya-san?” Emu asks him when he fucks up. “Who is it?”

Kiriya is less careful than he should be, had let slip that he thought Ex-Aid’s bubblegum neon pink coloring was almost too hard to look at directly in passing, and Emu had snatched on his words immediately. Emu is the last person Kiriya wants to know the truth because Emu is the only person who will not let it go even if Kiriya begs him to do so.

“No one. No one important, anyway.” Kiriya shrugs and turns away from him.

Emu is still young and innocent enough to believe in concepts like soulmates and true loves, the genius gamer boy who had developed soulmate vision apropos of nothing when he was still just a kid even though there was seemingly no catalyst for him doing so. Things like that make Kiriya wonder about him, about the puzzle that he presents, about the way his eyes flare red for just a moment every now and then when Emu is quiet and staring off into the distance. He makes Kiriya ask so many questions, has made Kiriya play cat and mouse games trying to figure out the truth, and he is no closer now than he was to begin with.

In this one respect, though, he wishes he was like Emu. That he had developed soulmate vision for no particular reason if he had to develop it at all, that no one had been attached to the moment and he could go through life without ever having to look for anyone or anything. He never believed in true love to begin with, and fairy tales have darker endings than anyone wants to discuss, and being bound by destiny to the president of Genm Corp. is a far worse fate than any of those. He wishes he could tell someone about it just to get it off his chest, but he can’t.

Emu makes a face at him and Kiriya knows he isn’t going to let this one go even before he opens his mouth. “But soulmates are supposed to be the people you’re meant to be with forever, the people who will make you the most happy. How can the person not be important?”

“Real people aren’t like video games, Emu. Things don’t always work out the way you think they should and there isn’t always a happy ending for everyone.” Kiriya forces a fake smile upon himself, something he can do far too easily these days. “I’m happy. Don’t worry about me.”

He’s not happy. But the last thing he wants is for Emu to intervene.

* * *

Kuroto had rationalized this decision to himself over a dozen times; when he walks away from the scene where Kujo Kiriya lies pixelating and glitching on the ground, he is certain he made the right choice. He has grand ambitions and plans to fulfill, and if the man pokes around much longer then he will eventually stumble across the infection deep within Hojo Emu’s cells. He might have found out about Parado, about why the Bugster virus was released in the first place, and Kuroto cannot allow this to happen under any circumstances.

He is still walking back to his office when his vision flickers around the edges and he pauses, pretends to be smoothing down his jacket. This is a phenomenon he has only ever heard people speak about for, and it seems as though he will experience it for himself.

Color vision has been a pain, anyway. Having to lie and scheme and hide this fact about himself has been difficult, especially around those who know him well and interact with him each day. He had almost commented about a secretary’s garish jewelry before catching himself.

The first time he had touched Kiriya, his vision had sparked instantly, flooding the world with a bevy of colors Kuroto had no names for. Now, though, the edges of his vision gray out, pitifully slow as if Kiriya is still clinging desperately to whatever shreds of life he must have left. The thought is amusing to Kuroto; he should have known the man would make him work this hard just to kill him and then still fight back at the last moment. No soulmate of Dan Kuroto could ever do any less or be any less, after all.

And then the color in his world fades completely, returning to the shades of gray Kuroto had spent thirty years with. He braces a hand on a nearby wall, giving himself a moment to adjust to the change. At least Dangerous Zombie’s color scheme will be preserved with this vision.

“Did you know, Kujo?” he asks the air, tipping his head back, letting the rain soak through his hair. “I chose that palette because I knew I wanted to kill you with it.”

All humanity is doomed to die, and the power of death had been the basis for the design of Dangerous Zombie in the first place. Kuroto wonders if Kiriya had ever discovered the truth about what would happen to the humans who were killed while still in their transformations, if he knows that his soul now rests calmly and quietly in the palm of Kuroto’s hand. He can do whatever he wants to do with Kiriya’s life, whether that means bringing him back or deleting him.

The allure is powerful, of course, to have done such a thing, something that he is sure Hojo Emu will want to get back at him for, but of course he has no right to do such a thing. The matter is between Kuroto and Kiriya, who fate had bound together long before either of them were born, when they were simply souls in the ether. Emu has no right to get involved in their affairs, and if he knew anything about himself, about the basic facts of his existence, he might very well be able to recognize that. But so be it; Kuroto will teach him the hard way and rip the color vision right out of Parado’s eyes if he is given no other choice.

“Genm?” The voice draws him out of his thoughts. “What’s happened?”

Kuroto swivels his head around to find Parado has joined him out in the rain, sopping wet now but looking almost unaffected by it. “I did what I said I was going to do,” he says. “You’ll have to let me know if the color palettes for your suit are acceptable or not.”

Parado cocks his head at him, and then a small and twisted smile drags at the corners of his lips. “You truly will stop at nothing to accomplish what you desire most.”

They go back to Genm Corporation together, Kuroto’s head buzzing insistently with all the steps left to fulfill. Parado is right; he will stop at nothing. It was only a pity that Kiriya would stand against him instead of joining him. Together, they might have been able to do anything.

* * *

Emu can argue as much as he wants, but Kuroto knows who is under the Lazer Turbo suit.

It’s more startling the second time around, he thinks, to have his vision suffuse with color once more; he almost goes sprawling across his desk, hands slipping off the back of his chair. It’s sudden and bright and powerful, and it almost hurts. He remembers the way Kiriya recoiled from him the first time, how he was pretty sure it was all about disgust, but now understands it may be about more than that. This nearly  _ aches _ behind his eyes.

But it means that Kujo Kiriya is once again alive.

Kuroto isn’t sure if he should be happy about that, or if he should be upset about it instead.

He knows he’s furious. His hard work into carefully building and containing human lives even after death during Kamen Rider Chronicle had been a feat of his own genius. It is not Dan Masamune’s place to resurrect his dead soulmate to use against him like this.

Maybe it is inappropriate to view the situation this way, but that’s the way Kuroto finds himself framing it as he pours himself into developing the new Gashat for Hojo Emu to defeat Masamune once and for all. Kiriya is  _ his. _ He killed him. Kiriya is  _ his _ soulmate.

None of his father’s meddling will change this fact. If that had been possible, then Kuroto would have never known the truth even as Emu argued it with him.

He wonders, faintly, if Kiriya had been surprised to come back with the color vision he died with. He wonders if Kiriya’s vision changed after Lazer Turbo dealt him a Game Over.

That much is fine. He and Kiriya are destined to be… Whatever it is the two of them will be. If they rip into each other for the rest of their lives until Kuroto has nothing left and finally sinks into a true and final death, then so be it. That much, he can easily live with.

But the thought of his father having any hand in this is unacceptable. Kuroto  _ will _ get him back no matter what it takes for him to do that. Even if Kiriya deals him enough death blows to finally end his life, at least Dan Masamune will no longer be involved with it.

* * *

“What are you doing?” Hiiro demands of him when he’s staring off into the distance, his mind far away from this office and the situation the two of them are in. “You’ve been staring out the window for almost an hour now. What are you looking at?”

“Nothing. I was thinking, actually. About soulmate vision, but I guess you wouldn’t know how that works, now would you?” Kiriya lets himself be smart with Hiiro, because he has to take it out on someone and Hiiro is just as good as anyone. The way the doctor twists away from him, a sullen pout on his face, says it all. “My vision flickered for a minute or two. It was weird.”

“Why would it do that? Your soulmate vision only goes away when your soulmate dies, and on top of that, when did you even get soulmate vision? I never heard about it.” Hiiro narrows his eyes at him, as if this is somehow information that Kiriya has owed him.

But it isn’t, so Kiriya narrows his eyes at him. “We aren’t  _ friends _ ,” he says, stressing the word so that Hiiro gets the picture, “and I talked about it with Emu. I’ve had it for a while now. Before this shit ever started. And don’t even  _ think _ about telling Masamune so he can use it against me.”

“Was it with… The intern?” Hiiro looks almost crestfallen at this thought, but then he shakes his head and manages to look even more like a kicked puppy. “No, no he spontaneously developed it because of Parado. So then… Who? The licenceless doctor?”

“Nah. Way off. And it’s not like I’m gonna talk about it with you, anyway. We aren’t friends, Kagami, we just happen to be on the same side now.” Kiriya combs his fingers through his hair; if Masamune finds out that Kuroto is his soulmate, Kiriya will probably end up dead again. Not that it matters, because Kuroto isn’t capable of loving anyone but himself.

Hiiro’s gaze never leaves him and then he blurts out, “Not Dan Kuroto, surely?” And before Kiriya can properly answer, his eyes widen impossibly; he’s figured it out to be the truth.

“Shut up. Don’t say it again. If Dan Masamune hears you then he’s going to come up with some bullshit scheme and make this even more of my problem than it already is.” Kiriya pushes himself up out of his chair, determined to make a quick exit and get some air. “Kuroto is  _ my _ problem to deal with, and it’s going to stay that way. Keep that in mind, Kagami.”

He stalks out of the office, but the thought that has been toying with his head for days now will not let him rest. His vision had flickered back to grayscale when Kuroto had died at his hand, and then back to color once more with his arrival from the Continue pipe. Begrudgingly, Kiriya is impressed with the choice to give himself ninety-nine lives. It’ll make killing him once and for all to pay him back for killing Kiriya that much harder, but that just means Kiriya has plenty of times to figure out how to do it properly. He can enjoy himself, relax a little.

And he has no intentions of letting Dan Masamune interfere with that, either.

* * *

“I knew you couldn’t go through with anything like that.” Kuroto says this late at night when he and Kiriya are the only ones in the CR office, when even Poppy has returned to her game, bent over his laptop, fingers tapping across the keys with an inhuman speed. “Turning on everyone, taking Dan Masamune’s side. You were never cut out for that kind of life anyway.”

Kiriya scoffs at him from the couch where he’s stretched out, his leather jacket— burgundy, not black— stretched over him. Bugsters don’t get cold. “Don’t sound proud of me, Pres. Remember this thing between you and I is nothing. I’m going to pay you back what you did to me.”

Kuroto knows he should not be delighted with Kiriya’s return to CR once more, not when it most definitely means that Kiriya will pay him back for the murder as many times as he can, but he can’t help the little smile tugging at his lips just the same. No one has ever been this passionate towards him about anything; everything has always been detached and cold. But this is warm, even if it’s the fires of hatred instead of the flames of love.

“You need to stop dying, though,” Kiriya tells him, and Kuroto lifts his head from his work to glance at the man once more, puzzling over those words. When he just cocks his head, Kiriya sighs at him. “It’s making my soulmate vision flicker, and that’ll end up giving me a migraine. So stop dying so much. The only one who should be allowed to kill you is me anyway.”

To that, Kuroto just smiles and goes back to the strands and strands of code laid out in front of him. This is better for him than anything before has ever been, even when he and Hojo Emu had first teamed up and Kuroto was graced with seeing his genius up close and personal. It had been exciting, enough to keep him occupied while they fought in this war together.

But the only one suited to hold the title of his soulmate is Kujo Kiriya.

* * *

His soulmate vision flickers at least twenty times after he leaves Genm to handle Cronus and though Kiriya had sworn he did not and never would care, he tenses every single time.

His entire goal in this… Relationship, he supposes, is an acceptable term for this… Is that he would never come to care about Kuroto. A man so egotistical and self-absorbed and so lacking in self-awareness could never be someone that Kiriya could come to care about, after all.

In the back of his mind, he knew he was leaving Kuroto to his possible death and though they need his genius until the very end, Kiriya was happy to do so. He does not have multiple lives backing him up and could hardly stand up against Cronus’s strength and power anyway.

But just the same, he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket and white knuckles the interior of the fabric every single time his vision bleeds grayscale and back once more. It’s hard to keep track of just how many times Kuroto has died, and having so many in rapidfire gives Kiriya a pounding migraine by the time his vision finally stabilizes to color once again.

“Hiiro-san is going to take care of Taiga-san,” Emu tells him once, most likely reading his grimace as concern for Hanaya Taiga, currently under the knife and under Hiiro’s mercy. “You know he wouldn’t kill him, not for anything or anyone. Hiiro-san isn’t that kind of person.”

Kiriya would throw back his head and laugh at the thought, but with Saiba Nico beside herself, he keeps his smart comments to himself and just nods at Emu, offering him a slight smile. His vision flickers again and he does his best to hold his expression so Emu can’t notice.

Taiga is not going to die, and Kuroto finally stops dying, and Kiriya realizes he’s lost track in his counting and resolves to look at the heart counter the next time it appears.

When he goes back to the CR office at the end of the long, long night, Kuroto is there waiting for his company, looking thoroughly exhausted and beaten down from his battle with Cronus. Kiriya is impressed he lasted as long as he did, he’s relieved the idiot didn’t get himself killed for real, and he finds himself stalking across the room, fisting a hand in Kuroto’s hair and pulling his head back so that he can look down at him. For the first time, Dan Kuroto looks surprised.

“I told you to stop doing that to me. You gave me a headache.” Kiriya gives his hair a jerk, but Kuroto just grins up at him. “Don’t worry me like that again or I swear I’ll kill you for good.”

He kisses Kuroto before he has a chance to question that worry, something he swore he had no intention of doing. Kuroto’s lips are soft under his, warm, and he’s hopelessly inept at how to kiss so he stops trying and lets Kiriya lead him. Kiriya leads him all the way over to the couch and hopes he can make Kuroto forget what he said by morning.

* * *

His vision must be flickering faster than he can process it by this point. Kuroto has lost more lives more quickly than he ever dreamed possible at the hands of this virus and he grits his teeth through it. It hurts as much as it feels good. He should be upset that his soulmate is willing to kill him ninety odd times for useless human life, but only Kiriya could ever make him feel so special.

He thinks that he could let Kiriya die. He infects him with the Gemdeus virus and he could let him pass away here, let him reach his final Game Over, and he probably won’t be able to come back this time. It would be so easy, and Kuroto is the type of man who would do that.

But he also isn’t. It’s easy to access the new healing powers of his shiny new Gashat and he uses them almost without thinking about it, healing Kiriya of the illness.

“You sure you want to let me live?” Kiriya asks him, exhausted, still on the ground.

“Do not question the Game Master!” Kuroto turns his back on him as he cancels his transformation but surely by now, Kiriya has learned to read his voice, to pick up the note of falseness in it. “I make the decisions that will benefit me the most.”

If it benefits him to let Kiriya live, then so be it. Kiriya does not need to know any more than that, but until Kuroto has been whittled down to his last life, Kiriya must live. After all, if he wants proper revenge, then he’s going to need to be there when the opportunity presents itself.

Besides, no one has ever been better suited to deserve the privilege of being called his soulmate. He’s only grown into the role, and maybe Kuroto is interested to see where he goes.

* * *

During the final battle, Kiriya’s soulmate vision flashes grayscale and stays that way. It takes the breath out of his lungs and the ground out from under him and only the fact they are desperate to stop Cronus and end this war once and for all keeps him on his feet. He won’t show weakness in front of Taiga, either, because Taiga would never let him live that down.

_ He has more lives than just one, _ Kiriya has to remind himself. This does nothing to calm the twisting in his gut, the confusion when his vision remains changed. He knows Kuroto had more lives left at his disposal even if their fight had stripped him of most of them.  _ He has more lives. I know he does. I’ve been keeping track this time because there’s so few left. C’mon, Pres, where the fuck are you? You didn’t let Masamune kill you… You couldn’t have… _

But his vision remains grayscale as he throws himself into the fight and every part of his body screams to know  _ why, _ why did it have to end here, why did it have to be Cronus—

“A delayed Continue!” And Kiriya’s vision bleeds color once again, which throws him off badly.

He gets his balance back and breathes a sigh of relief, and then he’s angry at himself for being upset at the thought Kuroto might be dead in the first place. He should be the one to do it, that’s why he’s angry, except that’s not it at all and in the back of his head, he knows it. Letting Dan Masamune end his only son’s life would have been excellent revenge as well because Kuroto would have never been able to rest in peace knowing his father had beaten him once and for all. And yet Kiriya can’t let him do that,  _ won’t _ let him murder Kuroto. He won’t let Kuroto die here.

“Don’t do that to me again,” he snaps at Kuroto’s back, knowing no one else can be listening.

Kuroto turns toward him, and he can’t see his face through the mask, but he can feel it. “Of course not.”

As one, they surge forward back into battle and Kiriya could tell himself that this only feels right because destiny had twisted the two of them together so tightly that not even their respective deaths had been able to rip them apart. He could say that, and he would know better in the end. This feels right because it’s Kuroto, as simple as that.

* * *

“This doesn’t mean I love you or anything,” Kiriya tells him when they’re back in CR, his hands braced on Kuroto’s hips, helping him keep his balance straddling Kiriya’s lap. “We’re already stuck together and it’s convenient. That’s all this is, got it?”

“Understood.” Kuroto leans down and kisses him to shut him up, though he would be delighted to listen to Kiriya insist this means nothing all night long. Denial can be sweet, too.

Kiriya bites down on his lower lip hard enough that it would bleed if Bugsters had that capability within their grasp. “I don’t think you do, but I’ll take your word for it this time.”

“Do me the honor of believing me and trusting me because I’m your soulmate.” That comment earns him a smack to the ass that hurts more than excites him, and he sticks his sore lip out, pouting openly. “That’s not very nice, Kiriya. You shouldn’t hit a god like that.”

Kiriya huffs up at him. “If you had your way, all I’d do all day long was worship at your feet.”

“In my bed,” Kuroto corrects, and Kiriya’s eyes flash hunger and heat up at him, pulling him down hard enough that Kuroto hisses at the friction. “You would never leave my side.”

That comment earns a quick, sharp laugh from Kiriya that has Kuroto cocking his head at him, scowling down at him. “As if it ever did me any good to try in the first place. C’mere, you’re too stupidly tall and I hate it.”

He pulls Kuroto down for a kiss so deep that his spine bows and he has to brace his hands on the back of the CR couch to maintain his balance. If they aren’t careful, they might be caught. He wonders if the others know, or if Kiriya even wants them to know.

Then Kiriya shifts his hands under Kuroto’s shirt and the rest of the world matters less. When Kuroto looks down at him through his lashes, he swears the colors are a little brighter.


End file.
